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Joke of the Day

"My Buddhist friend just had root canal with no anaesthetic. He wanted to transcend dental medication..."

"Blockbuster Joke George Lucas, Peter Jackson and James Cameron walk into a bar. George Lucas orders a cosmo. Peter Jackson orders a fine Sauvignon Blanc. James Cameron orders them both to shut up."

"Me: That tree is impeckable ""Don't you mean impeccable?"" *cut to woodpecker with a broken beak* Me: No. Also how did you pick up on that?"

"A woman just asked me to ""unpark her car"" and now I'm searching urban dictionary to see what I really just agreed to do"

"Q: Why did the lazy person buy a tall dog? - A: So that they didn't have to bend down to pet it."

"What do you do if a blonde person throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back."

"Using my son's raincoat as a hat so my hair doesn't get messed up. He's doing the cutest little shivers!"

"During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel."

"What do you get when you mix up literature and alcohol? Tequila mockingbird Or Ernest Hemingway"

"I asked my magic 8-ball which email client to use. It told me... Outlook not so good."