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Joke of the Day

"Blockbuster Joke George Lucas, Peter Jackson and James Cameron walk into a bar. George Lucas orders a cosmo. Peter Jackson orders a fine Sauvignon Blanc. James Cameron orders them both to shut up."

"I hate it when people ask me what I'll be doing in 5 years... It's not like I have 2020 vision"

"Why can't anyone tell my dads fat? Cause he grew up in Pawtucket."

"What do you call a bad cow joke? Udderly terrible!"

"A man stood outside the senate yelling: ""The government is stupid!"" He got 10 years in prison for revealing national secrets."

"Why did the introvert polish his shoes regularly? So he could look at others' faces."

"Friend: ""This is the year I'm going to marry my best friend."" Me: ""This is the year I'm going to train my dog to come when I call him."""

"The more we ban gluten, the black market demand for it skyrockets and the Mexican gluten cartels make a killing."

"They say comedy is an aphrodisiac. So I guess when women laugh at me after sex it's a good thing?"

"curious new Snapchat filter shows exact date and time of your death but refuses to be sent. then you notice: the time says five minutes ago."