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Joke of the Day

"Blockbuster Joke George Lucas, Peter Jackson and James Cameron walk into a bar. George Lucas orders a cosmo. Peter Jackson orders a fine Sauvignon Blanc. James Cameron orders them both to shut up."

"I like how the dude in the next self-checkout lane is trying to disarm me with small talk like we don't both know this is a goddamn race"

"My girlfriend got her period today... ...and I guess, since I'm the adult in this relationship, I'm going to have to have ""the talk"" with her. They grow up so fast..."

"Why are fire trucks always red? You'd turn red if someone pulled on your hose wouldn't you?"

"What did the little girl with no arms or legs get for Christmas? Cancer. :("

"Abstinence-only education... Was the first time I got screwed."

"(telling a ghost story) You know those knocking noises you hear at night? That's adulthood coming for you! *all the adults start screaming*"

"do you guys have PC & cheese? i'm not really a mac guy"

"Anyone hear the one.. Anyone hear the one about the messy bed? Yeah, I made it up."

"My head is throbbing, maybe i have amnesia nah, I don't remember hitting my head"