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Joke of the Day

"""I can't eat all of that!"" ... and other lies I tell"

"I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 10. I hope it's thinking about me too."

"[class trip] I'm farmer Joe, this is my farm DO U HAVE COWS? Yes, it's a dairy farm DO U HAVE WHALES? Kid, why wouldn't we have whales?"

"""I gave that guys wife a pearl necklace"" -Oysters"

"My girlfriend's plastic fork broke while she was eating earlier.... ....Just a tine-y bit. (i was so proud of myself but no one else laughed as much as I did )"

"Why should you never go down on a girl the morning after a night of sex? ..ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwich?"

"I forgot my work ethic at home today, but I did remember to bring my shenanigans and debauchery."

"How does Moses prepare his coffee? Hebrews it."

"Its been really hot in Seattle lately, so I converted my dishwasher into an air conditioner the other day. How? I handed my wife a hand fan to keep me cool."

"I've been married to my wife for 27 years but it feels like 27 minutes. ...under water"