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Joke of the Day

"Its been really hot in Seattle lately, so I converted my dishwasher into an air conditioner the other day. How? I handed my wife a hand fan to keep me cool."

"My girlfriend wanted to join the Mile High Club... But I didn't give a flying fuck."

"Have you heard about Unilevers ice cream It was their magnum opis. (Yes, I know next to no one will get this joke at all)"

"I don't like jokes about midgets... ...they're low-hanging fruit."

"Orange is the new white rest are black."

"Me: ""All my friends are getting married."" Grandma: ""Yeah? All my friends are dying."""

"What's a philosopher's favorite toy? Play-doh."

"Me: - Sweetie, why is the bottle of whiskey half empty? Wife: - Because you're a pessimist, honey!"

"Did you hear about the Mechanic who slept under the car? He wanted to wake up oily in the morning."

"Slow and steady wins the race, unless it's one of those weird races that puts an emphasis on speed."