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Joke of the Day

"How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb? One to invade Poland and one to tell you that jokes aren't funny."

"If a threesome is with three people, and a twosome is with two people.... does that mean im handsome?"

"Growing up is watching your parents morph from superheroes to ordinary people just trying to figure stuff out."

"Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell? It took her two weeks to realize that she wasn't at work anymore!"

"What's that Lassie? Bark! Yes I have a few moments of free time Bark! Goddammit lassie no I don't want to hear about Jesus"

"A protected acct with 0 followers just followed me. Mom, is that you?"

"Making plans with a stoner is like having sex with a prostitute... ...They tell you they're coming, but you know it's a lie."

"Why did the masturbating murderer turn himself in? He came to his senses."

"Why are people upset about the Starbucks cup and not the fact that they are paying $7 for coffee?"

"If my house was on fire and I could only save one thing I would save my Bible So I could burn it myself"