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Joke of the Day

"I admire the way that, even with millions of followers, celebrities on Twitter rarely succumb to the pressure to be funny."

"I'd like to thank /r/jokes for teaching me so many jokes! I've always hated the sound of laughter..."

"Hey I just met you... And this is Crazy... But this is a nice restaurant... So, Silence your baby!"

"Did you hear about the Italian that wanted to cheat the Broadway award voting? He wanted to rig a Tony."

"Want to spice things up? Look them right in the eyes and lick their fingers seductively. My dentist didn't appreciate it, but yours might."

"How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb ? Apparently not four as my basement is still dark"

"Referring to another employee as a ""gingeraffe""will land you in sensitivity training...no matter how tall and redheaded they are."

"For decades now microwave designers have labored under the false assumption that people want extra features on their microwave. They don't."

"Do you know what the women are saying after an orgasm... Apparently you don't know..."

"So you are distantly related to the family next door are you? Yes- their dog is our dog's brother."