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Joke of the Day

"Facebook is great! It reminds me to go to the gym and take my birth control so I don't end up like everyone I went to high school with."

"I heard something about a Finding Dory Trailer being released today, but I forgot..."

"What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline? You take your shoes off before jumping on a trampoline."

"Therapist: It's been 8 years since the death of your parents. How are you coping? Bruce Wayne: I dress as a bat and beat up strangers now."

"woman driver I was on my way to work today, when I saw a woman driving with her hazard lights on. I thought to myself, ""At least she's honest."""

"Women know that men are like linoleum . . . If they lay 'em right the first time, they can walk on them for years."

"So Charles Manson is getting married... Yeah, I thought life imprisonment was a big enough punishment already."

"You call me a whore? All I have to say is that my legs are as open as Walmart at midnight"

"I have Facebook like reflexes. ""Don't you mean cat-like reflexes?"" *throws a book and hits you right in the face*"

"I'm tired of people saying I sit too much and I will not stand for it"