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Joke of the Day

"*Meeting GF parents* What are your intentions with our daughter? Uh I need someone to sing the girl parts of Grease songs with me"

"I like my coffee like I like my women. Hot, black, bitter, and pregnant."

"I like jury duty because it's a fun reminder that one day my life could be in the hands of a guy wearing Velcro shoes."

"I haven't watched porn since last year The past 6 hours has been tough"

"Wifi went down during family dinner tonight. One kid started talking and I didn't know who he was."

"Want to hear a really shitty gay joke? poop dick"

"I used to rub my hair together when I was stressed... But now I'm dreading the consequences."

"""My girlfriend is 41 years old"" - ""My girlfriend is 41 years old."" - ""Dude, wth?! She can be your mom!!!"" - ""Yes, but she's yours"" - ._."

"I like to stand in the corner at parties and blow on anyone who walks by. People hate it, but I'm a fan."

"Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I've only missed one day"