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Joke of the Day
"If I was an author I would make my pen name... *Page Turner.*"
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"What do Foghorn Leghorn and Donald Trump have in common? They're both big racist cocks"
"What is the fastest thing in the world? Milk. Because it's pasteurised before you see it."
"What did I do before Twitter? Well, there's my family and......OH MY GOD WHERE'S MY FAMILY?!?!"
"A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says why the long face and he says it's so when I'm eating prairie grasses I can see predators"
"My science teacher taught us about gravity today. It was such a heavy subject to take..."
"my car's fuel economy is not doing so good... as a matter of fact, it's tanking"
"Computer: Login failed. Did you forget your password? Me: oh shi-- [Cut to my password waiting alone on the side of a soccer field]"
"Chicken pot pie my three favorite things in life..."
"What do people in Colorado eat on 3/14/15? Pot pie."