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Joke of the Day

"People accuse me of babying my dog, which I think is ridiculous. It's not like I'm breast feeding her. She won't even take to my nipple."

"Superman's first love got into writing really sappy love poetry. This is why he left her and kicked her out of his house. He said to her, ""Lana Lang Leav! """

"The most important thing in life is to be yourself, unless you can be Batman...always go with Batman"

"Why did the girl Gorilla engaged to the invisible man call off the wedding? Because in the last analysis she just couldn't see it!"

"Why do most men like women with big boobs and tight pussies? Because most men have big mouths and small cocks."

"Did you hear about the woman who blew all her money on powerball tickets? She made a lotto bad decisions...."

"A pharmacy was broken into and the only thing stolen was a case of Viagra Police say to be on the lookout for hardened criminals"

"I imagine some people are like...: 'should I take the shower?...no...I'm taking the train today...'"

"What is not the answer to this question? Not this."

"They played The Shins while I was in Whole Foods today and I leveled up in Caucasian."