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Joke of the Day

"A little kid came up to me and said... ""I have two mommies."" ""Really?"", I said. ""Your parents are lesbians?"" ""No, my mom's just a schizophrenic."""

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"Skinny = anorexic , thick = obese , virgin = too good , non-virgin = slut , friendly = fake , quiet = rude. You can never please society"
"A Mexican , a black guy , an arab and A Jew Jump out of a plane....who wins? Society"
"Conveniently, the sound from their early Saturday morning lawn mowers covers the noise of my sniper rifle."
"Turn a man down for sex, he gets over it. Turn a woman down? Oh. My. God."
"Best Black Friday Deal Trump selling out all his supporters at 70% off"
"I took a ""Which Friends character are you?"" quiz and I got The Central Perk couch."
"[revenge plan] *invent miniaturisation machine. *shrink to tiny size. *crawl all over sleeping spider's face."
"How many Buddhists does it take to change a lightbulb? None, change comes from within."
"So I was all ""I'm not taking any shit from you, bitch"" and she was all ""to speak to a member of our customer service team, press 1""."