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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: Can you send these party invites out? ME: Sure *throws them out window* WIFE: Did you- ME: If they're meant to come, they'll come."

"What do you call chickpeas cooked in a waffle iron? Fawaffle!"

"Not only do I refuse to take the stairs up to my office, when I'm in the elevator I wish there was a chair in it."

"Last night my wife asked me how many women I have slept with I answered just you honey. I was awake with the rest of them."

"Guy runs into a bar, yells ""Quick! How tall is a penguin?"" Bartender says ""Three feet tall."" Guy says ""Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!"""

"People come up to me all the time in the street and they ask me, they ask me: ""Say, Paul, what's the Mahabharata?"" And I say to them, I say, ""Oh, just a bit of light reading."""

"What is brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!"

"My wife's cooking is so bad I usually pray after food."

"[wife looking at pictures of my dead body with police] ""why isn't he wearing a shirt"" we believe he removed it when he challenged the coyote"

"Why did the Cell Tower Cafe get bad reviews? Because the service was horrible."