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Joke of the Day

"I wonder what Twitter employees do at work to waste time"

"Child twister: ""I can't tear up that farmhouse, Dad"" Dad twister: ""Come on son we're Kansas tornadoes, not Kan'tsas tornadoesn'ts"""

"What do Michael Jackson and Walmart have in common? They both have little boys' jeans half off."

"[titanic] SAILER: but captain there's an ice berg right ahead CAPTAIN WHO LOOKS SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE A SHARK: i said straight ahead"

"When my Dad passes, I will get a tattoo of him looking down at me from Heaven, disapproving of me getting a tattoo to commemorate him."

"Hindsight is $20.20. Don't even ask me what she charged to see her boobs."

"Tip: if you don't want comedians weighing in on politics.... ...don't elect a joke. (Credit to Bo Burnham)"

"a drug that makes you reallize that you don't actually like the internet that much and maybe you should go for a walk or call a friend."

"DATE: Ooh, such long fingers ME: Yeah, know what other long body part I have? D: I have an idea *sexy wink* M: My intestines are about 30ft"

"You hear the one about the cow that told too many jokes? They say he was milking it."