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Joke of the Day

"Wife: Let's go outside. 3-year-old: No! The deer will eat me. Wife: Deer don't eat people 3: The zombie ones do Wife: Get your dad. Now."

"Happy Mother's Day to moms around the world !!! advanced aprils fools day guys!!!"

"Much like #Skynet, the dirty dishes in my sink have achieved self awareness."

"Wanna hear a joke about a broken pencil? Never mind it's pointless. "

"Yo mama fell down... The physicists discovered Gravitational waves today"

"As bad as 2016 seems to be, it could be worse... You could have got a phone call from Charlie Sheen."

"A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre... so the barman gives her one."

"How is November's election like the Alien vs Predator movie? Whoever wins...we lose."

"hello, hello ! 911 ? 911 ? Yes, Sir, what happened ? ""I think my wife's dead"". ""What happened, Sir ?"" ""Well...she's lying in bed, cold and stiff as usual, but the dishes haven't been done in 3 days !"""

"An man shows up for his first day of work at a strict anti-racist organization. He notices his asian boss has very dirty glasses ... ""How can you even see with those?"" ""You're fired."""