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Joke of the Day

"Yo mama fell down... The physicists discovered Gravitational waves today"

"my favorite part about fruit is when I run it under water for 3 seconds to convince myself it's no longer covered in carcinogenic pesticides"

"At my funeral, I'd like my family, my closest friends, and a high-pitched squeal no one can locate the source of"

"When do elephants have eight feet? When there are two of them."

"What does a 9 volt battery, and a pretty girls bumhole have in common? People tell you not to, but you're still going to put your tongue on it."

"It would be easier to walk into Mordor than Gondor Because of the number of entrances"

"I always wondered why a Frisbee looks like it gets bigger & bigger the closer it comes to you.. and then it hit me."

"Shit, I just wasted a good corn dog, by eating It with no guys around."

"Signs that things aren't going well: 1) your gums bleed when u brush your hair. 2) u pray for the demise of the same 6 people every day."

"I'm so pissed right now I'm going to open a can of... what the hell, when did they start putting child proof lids on the cans of whoop-ass?"