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Joke of the Day

"[Dog asleep on rug] I once killed a bear with my own two paws [Legs move wildly] THAT'S IT I'M WAKING HIM ""No Henry. Let sleeping dogs lie."""

"My neighbors are having a terrible fight in the front yard. I mean hanging Christmas lights. Same."

"Did you see the 75th annual ninja parade in downtown Tokyo? Neither did anyone else..."

"if you walk up to a british policeman and play the benny hill music he legally has to chase you until you turn it off"

"Why does the KKK wear all white? Because they hate black, people!!!"

"Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face."

"elevator operator my career as an elevator operator was very up and down."

"Why is C afraid of D? Because DEEZ NUTS!"

"My goal weight is to stop hearing 'you have a great personality'"

"I love to play with my balls. I've been trying to meet a woman with the same hobby."