147052

Joke of the Day

"What are green and smell like pork? Kermit's fingers"

"Relationship status bathing everyday isn't a priority anymore."

"[aquarium] *penguin strapped on my back* Ma'am, is that a penguin on your back? No, it's just a backpack. Oh, WHAT'S IN IT?! um, fish"

"What's the difference between a hooker and an onion? You don't cry when you chop up a hooker."

"A salami goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him ""Sorry, I can't help you, ..."" ""... you're already cured."""

"I would like to buy a vowel... But they don't take SNAP."

"Why did Hitler not mind being on the naughty list? He needed more coal anyway."

"Why couldn't the chord get into the bar? She was A minor."

"I'm sick of reading them, these vagina jokes have got to stop Period."

"The worst thing about living in the city must be cleaning all the dead parkour people out of your chimney."