142621

Joke of the Day

"""I hate fake girls."" *a nearby girl's coat busts open and four dogs tumble out*"

"Just made eye contact with an old guy as he slowly licked an ice cream cone. Great, like I don't have enough shit keeping me up at night."

"I looking a a good joke about Canada I need a joke about Canada for my Canadian co-worker. Please help."

"me: [trying to sound cool] I'm in a punk band cute co-worker: that's cool. What the band's name? me: [looking over desk for ideas] Inbox(29)"

"What's the difference between pussy and parsley? People actually eat pussy.."

"Did you hear that M. Night Shyamalan is making a new movie about a ninja with a nipple fetish? You'll never see the twist coming"

"When does it become a dad joke? When it was a kid."

"What did the gay guy with Alzheimer's ask his partner? Where did I drop the soap?"

"The sun is in so many movies.. It's like one giant star!"

"""You see those footprints? It looks like our killer had feet."" - If you want to know why I was fired as a writer on CSI."