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Joke of the Day

"What do you get if you cross a spider and an elephant ? I'm not sure but if you see one walking across the ceiling then run before it collapses !"

"My keys always end up in the pocket opposite of my free hand."

"Q: Why is Bill Clinton's economic plan called positively atheist? A: Because it hasn't got a prayer."

"Me: Hey, do you want to go buy some- Wife: YES!"

"If you are really good at comedy you can make $250 writing for a multimillionaire."

"Changed my outgoing voicemail message to ""You have reached the government."""

"Always stand up for what you believe in, unless what you believe in is sitting down."

"Three guys are on a boat with four cigarettes, but they don't have any matches or lighters. What do they do? They throw one cigarette overboard and the entire boat becomes a cigarette lighter."

"TIL I'm genetically predisposed to love heroin It's in my blood"

"I got a handjob from a blind girl last night. She said ""You've got the biggest dick I've ever put my hands on."". I said ""Nah, You're just pulling my leg.""."