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Joke of the Day

"My keys always end up in the pocket opposite of my free hand."

"Why did the dog say he was an actor? His leg was in a cast."

"My sister went on a crash diet. Is that why she looks a wreck ?"

"There are three rings in marriage The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering."

"Inventor displays the first knife ever. His friend, ""that's the greatest invention since bread"" Inventor, ""well I'm about to blow your mind"""

"What's the difference between hard and light? I can sleep with a light on."

"Ukraine What do you think about the Russian military intervention in Krimea? I think they're just Stalin. If they are, soviet, as long as they're Putin their weapons away."

"Duct Tape Turning ""No no no"" into ""mmm mmm mmm"""

"The cutest thing my SO does... Her handwriting looks like she has Parkinson's"

"I am only drinking 2 beers tonight, but in dog beers."