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Joke of the Day
"I love you -My Dad"
Next Joke
"Twitter turns six today. It seems like just yesterday that I spoke to my family."
"If you see a dentist get shot and hes bleeding out, just casually mention how he needs to floss more so he doesnt bleed out like that"
"[being chased round my house by a murderer] ME: PLEASE STOP THIS IS SENSELESS MURDERER: What? ME: [puts Fitbit on] Ok carry on"
"A chemistry lab is like a giant party; Some people like dropping acid, others prefer dropping the base."
"Spilling a beer... ...is the adult equivalent to losing a balloon."
"What are Mario and Luigi's overalls made of? Denim, denim, denim."
"at Nike advertising meeting I need a slogan for these shoes by the end of the day. I don't care how it gets done just do it..hold up a sec"
"No matter how kind you are, German children will always be kinder."
"My wife is so stupid... She thought that I was a racist because I separated my whites from my colors."