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Joke of the Day

"A friend asked me if every sentence has to include a vegetable I said not nessacelery"

"World: Hey check out this sport we made called football. America: *sips beer* Check out this other sport I just made called football."

"An man shows up for his first day of work at a strict anti-racist organization. He notices his asian boss has very dirty glasses ... ""How can you even see with those?"" ""You're fired."""

"Grab your taco, You've pulled a dyslexic Mexican."

"When my first wife lost her credit card, I didn't report it. Because whoever found it was spending less than she was."

"Hold on I'm about to count my money. Alright I'm done."

"Being an asshole lowers people's expectations of you. (Except on Twitter, where assholes must continue to prove they are assholes)"

"VENOM: Time to meet your maker! SPIDER-MAN: The radioactive spider? VENOM: No, like- SPIDER-MAN: My dad? Cuz he's dead. Wow, ur a douche."

"Why didn't Jarred order the meatball sub? Because he didn't like the size of the meatballs."

"Everybody's talking about the super obnoxious drunk guy at the bar last night. I was at that same bar and I didn't even notice him. Weird."