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Joke of the Day
"Did you know that Helen Keller had a swingset in her backyard? Neither did she."
Next Joke
"What type of transporter does Mr. Scott use? A Beemer."
"DOCTOR: u broke ur leg in five places, how did this happen ME:*flashback of me trying to carry too much ice cream up the stairs* bears."
"There's no easy well to tell your girlfriend that she has bad breath. I think I'm just going to stop kissing your girlfriend. edit: meant to say ""way"" instead of ""well"""
"I want my tombstone to read ""Free WiFi"" so people would visit more often"
"I met a girl last night at a bar... She said she wanted the night to be magical... So i fucked her and disappeared."
"People who say 45 minutes past the hour are the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 months old"
"i wish i could grow a burrito in my backyard. what if blades of grass were mini burritos. i could make a bed out of mini burritos."
"My wife said to me: ""If you won the lottery, would you still love me?"" I said: ""Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you."""
"Did you hear about the kidnapping? Its ok, They're awake now"