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Joke of the Day

"i wish i could grow a burrito in my backyard. what if blades of grass were mini burritos. i could make a bed out of mini burritos."

"How many republicans does it take so screw in a light bulb? None, Obama's already screwed it for you. (Thanks, Obama)"

"what's the healthiest thing about eating a wheelchair? The vegetable."

"What did the policeman say when he pulled over a nissan? Nissan Haltima Bonus: What do you call it when a kia pulls up to a red light? Kia stoptima"

"A pirate decided he wanted to retire He sold all his gold on eBay."

"I like my men like I like my coffee... I don't like coffee."

"My teacher told me my drawing was pretty good, I told her I know. My mom always told me I was borderline artistic."

"I own a store that sells crafts painted with blood It's called the Artery"

"My friend is so stupid he thinks that an autograph is a chart showing sales figures for cars."

"There needs to be a Meat Likers Pizza for those of us afraid of commitment."