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Joke of the Day

"[petting friend's new guidedog] so how did you get here? ""he brought me"" wow [later in bed w/ wife] did you know dave's dog can drive a car?"

"wonder why's theres a pizza laying here in the middle of the woods *eats it* *dies 82 years later* dammit it was a trap"

"Mmmmm white people - sharks"

"4 is currently using scissors to whittle down a pencil. This will be a valuable skill if she ever goes to prison and needs to make a shank."

"Q: What do you call 3 blondes a chimp and another blonde standing on a street corner? A: 4 f*cks 4 f*cks 4 f*cks not for a zillion f*cks 4 f*cks!"

"There's been some interesting science news today. Apparently materials with a half life of 3 pass through valves at a extremely slow rate. -plauge inc"

"My boss asked me to pick him something cheap up to eat for lunch he wasn't too happy when I came back with his daughter."

"While I was living in Japan a woman approached me on the train... She said to me, ""What's black and white and red all over?"" ""Wow,"" I said, ""You can speak English?"" ""Just a riddle,"" she said."

"[Creation] God: *creates the crab Crab: ""wtf?"" God:""You're a crab"" Crab:""wtf?"" God:""Now go forth"" Crab: *walks sideways ""WTAF?!"""

"Went to watch a blonde comedian And all she kept doing was bending down and looking at the floor. I guess she was just looking for some laughs."