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Joke of the Day
"Enjoying an adult beverage in moderation and not bothering any fine ladies from the internet."
Next Joke
"Two years ago, my favourite cow died Today, I finally moooved on."
"I met a guy who cross-bred insects... ...he was alright at first, but I soon tired of his ant-ticks."
"DATE: I chose this restaurant for the ambience. ME: Ah, very good. [to waiter] A bottle of your finest Ambiens, please."
"Take a deep breath. Exhale slowly. - Respirational Tweet"
"Sorry, just got your text. Are we still on for last night?"
"By DAY he's just a regular accountant. But at NIGHT he becomes a trash ravaging raccoon... ""Raccountant"".. Coming this fall on Fox"
"TIL that the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster has it's own version of the devil . . . You will know this fake Flying Spaghetti Monster by his name, for he is known as the Im-Pasta."
"Did you hear about the cannibal who commited suicide? He got himself into a real stew."
"You may recognize me from such films as: HR surveillance footage 11/13/12 HR surveillance footage 01/22/13 HR surveillance footage 02/28/13"