170011

Joke of the Day

"Man: ""I think I saw a UFO last night"" UFO with fake moustache: ""Nah, it was probably one of them optical gases or something"""

"Husband-Y r there torn condoms lying on sofa? Wife-What? Where? Wife goes 2 find them & comes back angrily saying-Will you stop calling our children ""Torn condoms""?"

"Why was Nancy always on top when the Reagans made love? Ronald Reagan always fucked up."

"PARENTS: your teen may be worshipping Satan. Look for these terms: LOL - Lucifer Our Lord BRB - Burn Religious Books TBH - Tell Beelzebub Hi"

"They say if you ever get attacked by a shark you should punch it in the nose which is easy cause imagine how composed you would be."

"Why is C afraid of every other letter in the alphabet? Because they are not Cs."

"Why do women close their eyes during sex? Some women just can't stand seeing a man have a good time."

"[confession booth] me: *sneezes* priest: I'm not falling for that one again dan"

"What do you call a black guy who flies a plane? A PILOT, YOU RACIST!"

"Neil deGrasse Tyson walks into a bar. Everyone leaves. ""EVERYONE?"" he chuckles to himself. ""7.4 billion humans couldn't fit in this space."""