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Joke of the Day

"Why did the skydiver die before reaching the ground? Because he reached terminal velocity."

"When life gives you lemons, worship the elder Gods. Take candy from a baby. Drink from a trough of blood. Who cares? None of this matters"

"I just recently bought a used car and I took it back 2 days later. ""This car is useless. It doesn't go past 60 up a hill."" ""60 uphill is really good. What's wrong with that?"" ""I live at 74."""

"Who came first, the chicken or the egg? They came together, it was a perfect lay."

"Hahahahah Wife: ""What are you doing?"" Husband : Nothing. Wife : ""Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."" Husband : ""I was looking for the expiration date."""

"Why is it called PMS? Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken."

"Shakespeare was a good sport... He ended all his sonnets with gg."

"The Holy Liar A: ""I dont trust in god."" B: ""You're an atheist? :o"" A: ""No, i think he's a liar."""

"What's the difference between a waiter and a waitress? The size of the tip."

"A Roman walks into a bar and says ""Hey Niko! It's your cousin Roman, let's go bowling."""