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Joke of the Day

"It's not that I don't like drinking, it's just I find that my aim when throwing bottles in your face is allot more accurate when I'm sober."

"A guy walked into a bar. He was brought to the closest hospital quickly."

"Ok you with pneumonia, go sit between the perfectly healthy lady and the guy with the blood shooting out of his leg and wait. -hospitals"

"*walks up to girl working on her laptop in a cafe* So you into computers?"

"So it turns out that my girlfriend has been starring in amateur voyeurism porn videos. Boy is she going to be pissed when she finds out!"

"which is the Beyonce song where it's like we're independent but also you should marry us but like we're super-strong but also pay our bills"

"It's not the most beautiful poem, but it's pretty deep I dig you dig he digs she digs we dig"

"Probably not the first time you heard this. But, I have two very good qualities. One is memory, and I forgot the other one."

"People need to stop posting denigrating photo memes of animals; they have dignity and deserve respect. Oh that's Rick Santorum? Ok carry on."

"Did you guys here the Twins signed Adrian Peterson? Word is they needed a switch hitter..."