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Joke of the Day

"Logged into FB told Gemma her wedding pics are beautiful. Logged into Twitter to tell you she looked like a fat man in drag and I hate her."

"Cats constantly look at you like you just asked them for a ride to the airport."

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Witch Doctor Barbie ...with potions and face paints"

"What's white and in the men's 100M final? The lines."

"My friends told me to stop being a flamingo I decided to put my foot down!"

"its ok to feel weird in the grocery store. you are surrounded by stuff that is going to move through strangers bodies"

"Got 3 boxes of tampons, Midol & Ibuprofen at the store. Checker was so scared he paid for my shit & carried it out for me."

"Having a dirty mind is okay, but having a clean heart is much more important."

"So true... Q: Why do women have boobs? A: So you have something to look at while you're talking to them!"

"My wife said she wanted a divorce for Christmas. I told her I did not want to spend that much."