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Joke of the Day

"Why did the 25 year old cross the street? To catch a charmander."

"What do you call a gay guy in a coma? A watermelon."

"I'm sorry did you say your name is ned or bread"

"[me adjusting paintball mask] it's too bad we aren't on the same team date: yeah"

"The Catholic Church is selling bath bombs! *puts Jesus Christ limited edition bath bomb into water* *water turns into wine* Thank u Jesus"

"I got a call telling me my grandma only has a few hours left to live.... but I refuse to pay the ransom."

"What's the best thing about having sex with forty two year olds? There's forty of them."

"What do you get if you group 8 sodium atoms together? Batman."

"Two over achievers walk into a bar.. Clearly it wasn't set high enough."

"TIL it is impossible to look at your nose while sticking out your tongue without looking ridiculous."