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Joke of the Day

"If lemonade is made from lemons, what's a colonnade made from?"

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"What do onions and people have in common? I weep uncontrollably when I cut them."
"Earlier today at a coffee shop, I spilled my drink all over the paper I was working on. The barista looked over and said, ""Well, essay chai tea happens."""
"Why did the welder put on a scuba tank? Someone's got to fix this sub."
"*gains winter weight for ""insulation"" *is now fat and cold"
"If it weren't for twitter I wouldn't know what it feels like to go unnoticed. Just kidding, I'm married. I know exactly how that feels."
"""Someone called me a butterface today! Is that bad?"" ""Well it's *half* a compliment."""
"The FedEx guy said I look like a sexy pirate. I'm not sure if that's considered sexual harassment or flirting."
"What is the Revenant about? The unbearable lengths one man will go to get his revenge and win an Oscar."
"Where do you weigh pies? Somewhere over a rainbow..."