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Joke of the Day

"CARTOON VILLAIN: how did you know it was me who robbed the bank COP: you were literally carrying around giant bags with dollar signs on them"

"If you ask me a question and I don't know the answer I'm going to tell you to google it and act like you're the stupid one."

"Dad, was I a cocky teenager? Only when you watched Baywatch in your pyjam.... DAAAD!"

"A Hippopotamus wanted to go to College to become a Neurologist... ...but he couldn't find the Hippocampus."

"Note to self: Take Mila Kunis picture off of vacuum before taking it in for service next time."

"What is the only animal in the world that can't get hogh A fish"

"Did you hear the creator of spaghetti died? He pasta way"

"What is a Hitman's favorite Mathematical Field? *Trigger*nometry"

"Last night me and and my girlfriend watched three movies back-to-back.. Luckily I was the one facing the TV!"

"Level of drunkenness: fed the ATM pizza."