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Joke of the Day

"I think my anorexic girlfriend is cheating on me... Every day I'm seeing less and less of her. ` ` ^^~not ^^my ^^joke"

"My hell is a giant Bath & Body Works store ...where all the women answer yes/no questions with ""stories""."

"What's the difference between ignorance, apathy, and ambivalence? I don't know, and I don't care one way or the other."

"[tortoise arguing with his gf] ""FINE IM LEAVING"" FINE [6 minutes later] are you going or not? ""THIS IS AS FAST AS I CAN GO KAREN"""

"What does a footballer and a magician have in common? Both do hat tricks!"

"4yo: You're a good dad. Me: Thanks. 4yo: You'd be better if you said yes more. Me: Okay. 4yo: Can I have ice cream? Think about what I said."

"A man with a... A man with a twelve in penis can't spel."

"Thanks for telling me this is your ""pet cat"" because otherwise I might have thought it was your business associate cat."

"I challenged a guy to a game of Pool. ""The winner gets to sleep with my girlfriend,"" I declared. Boy, did he look smug when he won. Jokes on him though, I don't have a girlfriend."

"If there was an award for laziness... I'd make someone go get it for me."