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Joke of the Day
"My impression of a New Zealand duck: Quick... Quick. Quick."
Next Joke
"Woman jokes aren't funny, period."
"Receptionist: So you're here about your carpal tunnel huh..fill out these 20 forms and press hard so the copies are clear"
"If I were a girl who knew a lot about cars, I'd open up a body shop called Lady Parts."
"Practice good oral hygiene by wiping your mouth with toilet paper after talking shit"
"There's no law that says you can't make a tiny swimming pool in your belly button for a gummy bear pool party."
"What did the scientist say when he stubbed his toe? Flourine Uranium Carbon Potassium."
"If a velociraptor is running.. and he speeds up, does he become an acceleraptor?"
"I often find myself rewording a long tweet so many times that it completely loses the original subject. This one started off about a cat."
"I got two packs o' sugar... Call me Two Canes ^I'm ^sorry."