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Joke of the Day

"I shower with a suicide note in case I slip and die, at least I can make it look intentional instead of stupid."

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? **[Deleted]**"

"Oscar Pistorius has sacked his legal team. He has now hired Celtic as he heard they lost both legs and still managed to win."

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a guy, on the side of the highway reciting the alphabet backwards and trying to walk a straight line."

"I accidentally gave my newborn Muscle Milk instead of formula and now he's blasting Pantera and doing one arm pull-ups off his crib"

"What kind of peanuts get warts? Planters."

"Wanna hear a story about a ghost? That's the spirit."

"Maybe the reason that goats are so angry is because they don't have hands to stroke those magnificent beards with while pondering quandaries"

"If I had a dollar for everyone I work with who's dumber than me, I'd have $11 cause I work for a small company."

"The tattoos in your shirtless avi say 'bad boy'; the flowered wallpaper behind you scream 'living in mom's sewing room'."