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Joke of the Day

"Always borrow money from a Pessimist. He won't expect it back."

"Did you hear about the granny who plugged her electric blanket into the toaster by mistake? She spent the night popping out of bed."

"WIFE: I can't believe you ruined my birthday yesterday ME: What a load of bollocks, Karen. I didn't even know it was your birthday"

"What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident? A Tyrannosaurus Wrecks. EDIT: Spelled ""Tyrannosaurus"" incorrectly."

"*slams table WHY DID VILLAINS FROM SCOOBY-DOO ASSUME THEY'D GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING IF NOT FOR MEDDLING KIDS THEY GOT CAUGHT BY A STONED DOG"

"Florist: ""Would you like your flowers wrapped?"" Me: ""Nope, they're going right into the shredder before I give them to my sister-in-law."""

"Are you looking forward to the Olympics? I am, they're going to be dope."

"They say the best things come in small packages So I fucked a midget"

"What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws? Outlaws are wanted."

"What do you call a sleep walking nun? A roamin' catholic."