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Joke of the Day

"If it was Pink Floyds way... They would have all of us shot!"

"Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they're gonna pay. You have my Word."

"knock knock! who's there? i eat mop... :]"

"What do you tell a women with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice."

"Rectum? Damn near killed 'em!"

"Twitter has lost 90% of my tweets. Great! Now I've got nothing to show for the last two years. Nothing."

"I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere!"

"[My band playing on stage] New GF's friend: Which one is the boy you've been seeing? New GF: *sees me playing accordion* He died"

"Mankind is capable of unimaginable feats of engineering and yet the windows on the airplane never line up with the seats."

"I'm going to write a colorless geometry book. It'll be called ""Fifty Shapes of Grey."""