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Joke of the Day

"A guy said he fantasizes about me in a bathtub filled with Big Mac sauce and I said YOU'RE DISGUSTING AND DISTURBED and see you at 8, Brian."

"That pie smells so good I jizzed in my pants... I guess you could say I came to my senses."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Hodor"

"Yo momma so fat... I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing."

"WIFE: Don't embarrass me in front of my boss, he's colorblind ME: Duh [later at party] ME: [to boss] So when did you learn Colorbraille?"

"I'm so done with Apple products! Their phones can't do jack..."

"I needed something to leave my door open.... So I left it ajar.... :'D"

"yo mama so stupid..she sits on the t.v and watches the couch"

"What's the difference between Det. Rust Cohle and a psychopath? Psychopaths are fun at parties."

"As a kleptomaniac, I demand my rights... And that guy's rights... And his pen..."