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Joke of the Day

"I wish I was important enough for my nudes to get leaked."

"For a one-way mission to Mars, we should send a blogger. Not so they can blog about the experience, but so there'd be one less blogger."

"Two crows are in jail. What are they in for? Attempted Murder"

"What do you call cake that isn't yours? Stollen"

"Only 9 more days til Xmas! Can't wait to see the look on my child's face when he wakes up and realizes daddy spent too much time on Twitter."

"What kind of bees produce milk? Boo'bees"

"And the award for best neckwear goes to... huh, well would you look at that. It was a tie"

"I'm pretty bad at apologising.. So I just say... ""unfuck you""."

"Have you seen the new movie, ""Constipation""? It may not have come out yet."

"Why did ISIS stop looting viagra? The goats all died."