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Joke of the Day

"When you walk into a store buying sexual necessities... New Ariana Grande CD: 18 Tub of Vaseline: 3 XL Box of Tissues: 2 The look of disgust on the cashier's face as you pay: Priceless"

"How can you double your money? Look at it in a mirror."

"So sick of musicians telling lovers in songs that they'd give them stuff if they only had it to give. That's too easy, assholes."

"I'm not the male chauvinist one God is, he is the one that made women inferior."

"Did you hear about the unfashionable mechanic? He needed to change attire. (I'm probably too proud of myself for making this one; someone's almost definitely done it before.)"

"What's the difference between a divorce and a circumcision? With a divorce you get rid of the whole dick."

"Do you know why Jesus doesn't play hockey? Because he always get nailed into the boards."

"If you ask me where your glasses are, and they're on your head, I will help you look for them forever."

"How much did the pirate charge for corn? He sold them for a buccaneer."

"I'm texting nothing but ugly girls from now on. They text back so fast!"