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Joke of the Day

"There are two types of people in this world: Those that sing in the shower, and those that wank off. ...what song do they sing?"

"[doc walks in holding up my X-rays with one hand & giving a thumbs down with the other] Bad news, pal. You're a skeleton."

"My sister bet me I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti.. She was right. The very premise is absurd."

"I've been having an affair with a film director's wife. Yesterday he caught us in bed together. He was furious. I said to him, ""Look, mate, don't make a scene."""

"What type of car would Jesus drive? A Chrysler"

"I think I promised to have 3 beers and be home by 10 Sorry honey, I always get those 2 mixed up."

"What happens if you smoke weed in a musilm country? Simple, you get stoned twice"

"Why did the man quit working at the cemetery? It was hard to make a living."

"The Pope just reaffirmed that Jews can go to Heaven Damn legacy applicants."

"Looks like I'm going to need to have the ""drug talk"" with my daughter because this ecstasy she sold me is NOT working."