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Joke of the Day

"There are two types of people in this world: Those that sing in the shower, and those that wank off. ...what song do they sing?"

"Press Release: ""Big thank you to Adrian Peterson and Ray Rice"" Sincerely, Tony Stewart's PR Team"

"a neanderthal scrawls a message on a cave wall, the etchings begin to glow red as he exceeds 140 characters"

"If I was on death row I'd request my own heart as my last meal. But they wouldn't be able to extract it til they killed me: Catch 22. I walk"

"I've never been pleased to meet anyone."

"Did you know unicorns exist? Yeah man. You didn't know? They're short and fat, and people call them rhinos."

"Where do theatrical cats wear their gloves? On their... Dramatic Paws"

"What's the difference between Hitler and Michael Phelps? Michael Phelps can finish a race."

"Flashing my Costco card at the lady at the entrance is the closest I'll ever get to feeling like I'm on the VIP list at the clubs."

"Did you guys hear about the gay truckers? They traded loads"