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Joke of the Day
"Sometimes, the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot."
Next Joke
"""When I saw you driving down the road I guessed 55 at least."" ""You're wrong officer it's only my hat that makes me look that old."""
"wife [text] I'm so proud of you for sticking to your diet me [can't respond because there's powdered donut on my fingers]"
"I've started a time travellers club The first meeting will be yesterday at 5pm"
"When a guy texts a girl ""hey stranger"", what he really means is ""I've recently thought about trying to get in your pants again."""
"I sneezed real hard, and while I did not break any bones, I did sustain some tissue damage."
"What's that coffee drink with icecream? I used to know it, but... Affogato."
"Who is The best Jewish baker? Adolf Hitler"
"When I wake up at night, I reach out to you, I love you not for what you look like I love you for what you have inside. (Me to my fridge)"
"<--Goes to gym 3 times a week... Cannot separate two shopping carts stuck together at grocery store."