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Joke of the Day

"I lit candles & put a trail of rose petals all over the house in confusing patterns so my husband can't find me drinking in the closet."

"Let's get this out of the way now. Next Wednesday, the date will be 12-12-12. Happy?"

"My post on /r/bombs made the front page Edit: holy shit this blew up"

"Two parrots were sitting on a perch One says to the other, ""Something smells a bit fishy!"""

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? I've never gotten stuck in a traffic jelly!"

"You guys ever listened to the music of Yellvis? *YOU AINT NOTHING BUT A HOUND DOG!!!!*"

"What has four legs, is green and fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree can kill you? A pool table."

"My granma got my granpa a new pair of pants. When I asked him how they fit, he said, ""like a cheap castle"". When I looked confused, he explained, ""no ballroom"""

"My girlfriend decided to quit her job at the yogurt company The truth his, she never really liked the culture"

"The lights at the Chinese restaurant were too bright... ... so the manager had to dim sum"