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Joke of the Day

"What was the burglar doing in Wayne Manor? He was Robin."

"The Mona Lisa was arrested for loitering today But it wasn't her fault, she was framed."

"My wife sent me an image of herself which really enticed me into coming home from work early. It was a picture of her at the airport."

"My daughter got a sticker from her teacher that said 'resilient tortoise.' I've sent her in with one to give in return, 'patronizing hippo.'"

"So an interviewer asked me a question.. A: Your greatest weakness? B: Interpreting semantics of a question but ignoring the pragmaticsA: Could you give an example?B: Yes, I could"

"What will Gene Wilder's last will and testament will say? YOU GET NOTHING! Yeah I'm going to hell."

"WIFE: Where are the groceries? ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean? *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*"

"I called the rape support hotline last night. Apparently it is only for victims."

"What is the quickest way to get Trump out of The White House?? Put Monica Lewinsky in there. She's not the hero we deserve, but she'd be da real MVP we need right now."

"What's the height of conceit? Having an orgasm and calling out your own name. "