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Joke of the Day

"Relationship Status: I ate 7 bananas trying to get the new guy at work to notice me."

"Bring a toddler to your next robbery. Their smudgy fingerprints everywhere will make the forensics team cry."

"What was the scary guy on Tinder doing? Intimidating others."

"I tried being polite by holding the door open for a lady She kept yelling, ""I'm peeing in here!"" What a bitch."

"Well well well if it isn't my old nemesis, long division."

"Why is horse racing so romantic? Because the horse hugs the rails the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye!"

"I used to feel like a man trapped in a woman's body then I was born."

"What's the difference between getting the girlfriend pregnant and locking your keys in the car? How pissed your wife gets when you explain the coat hanger."

"There are hospitals for the criminally insane. And then there are parliaments for the insanely criminal."

"My old guitar teacher was arrested yesterday... He got caught fingering A Minor."