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Joke of the Day

"2007: OBAMA'S COMIN' FER YER GUNS 2008: comin' 2009: almost 2010: any day 2011: seriously 2012: ok now 2013: i think.. 2014: nope 2015: well"

"I invented a game where people get so stoned they can barely walk & chase each other around the yard. It's called...wait for it: Hash Tag."

"Why does a blonde nurse carry around a red pen? To draw blood."

"I've always wondered why people love jokes about giant air conditioners... I'm not a big fan..."

"I hurt my neck sleeping on a pillow that was too fluffy. My body is not meant for this world."

"Please join me. My daughter an I did this for hours one day. Zombie phlebotomist, veinnnnns. Zombie engineer, traaaaiiins. Zombie Dixie Chicks fan, Natalie Maiiiinns."

"Every store should have one line for people who have their shit together."

"Why was the chess player pregnant? Because they were mated."

"My attractive feature is that sometimes I go away."

"[Nsfw] How do you know you have a high sperm count? She has to chew before swallowing"