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Joke of the Day

"Me - That's the second First Baptist Church I've seen today. Wife - OK? M - One of them is lying. W - You can't ever shut it off can you?"

"As a Harry Potter fan, I dream of going to Hogwarts. My friend is a Narnia fan, and he's always wanted to go to Narnia. My other friend is a Hunger Games fan, but he's good."

"I buy all my guns from a guy named ""T-Rex"" He's a small arms dealer"

"I hate it when engineering students refer to themselves as engineers... Like you don't see med students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves unemployed."

"911 what is your emergency? Me: ""My 6 year old hasn't stopped talking since he got home"" 911: ""stay calm ma.. Me: MY EARS ARE BLEEDING"

"bathroom is like the church's confession box..everyone is so full of shit when they enter.."

"This morning I woke up, got out, and went for a five mile run That's the last time I try to push start a car by myself."

"Did you hear the one about Phillip Hughes? He was the first Australian to die of a bowler."

"On a scale of 1 to 'Maxi pad with wings' How self-absorbed are you?"

"(My wedding day) Grandma: You remind me so much of your father Me: Wow, thanks that means a lot G: Your father was a disappointment also"