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Joke of the Day

"Did you recently date Taylor Swift, only to be dumped and have a song written about you? You may be entitled to compensation. Call now."

"What goes ""ha ha, thump thump?"" A guy laughing his balls off."

"Dear Monday. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my weekend. Prepare to die."

"Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes. Let that be a lesson... never try to fly a donkey."

"I wear glasses because I like to dramatically remove them to display anger. It was awkward doing that with contact lenses."

"My first time having sex was like my first time riding a bike .. my dad was holding me from behind .."

"My local police chief does a talk on heroin... So you can't understand any of it."

"My body is a temple. I care about it three to five times a year purely out of guilt."

"[Bar] me: Gimme one more wife: I think you've had enough m: Last one w: Fine m: *asks waitress for another kids menu so I can do the maze*"

"Why do fat women always have a cat? In case they run out of food."