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Joke of the Day

"[Bar] me: Gimme one more wife: I think you've had enough m: Last one w: Fine m: *asks waitress for another kids menu so I can do the maze*"

"Why do ghosts make the best thieves? Because possession is 9/10 of the law"

"My favorite thing to say to old people is, ""When I was your age I didn't believe in reincarnation either""."

"Parents spend the first 3 years of their child's life teaching it to walk and talk.. They then spend the next 10 years teaching it to sit down and shut up."

"What do you call a group of students? A school."

"What would be a terrible name for a new beer? Q: What would be a terrible name for a new beer? A: ""Mondays""...because no one would EVER want to buy a case of the Mondays..."

"What's black and blue and doesn't like sex? The ten year old boy in my basement."

"#1 pick up line in a gay bar? ""Can I push your stool in""?"

"What rhymes with orange No it doesn't"

"Sure, I'll help you find those paper cuts. -Purell"